A fortnight ago, I was driving in my car around the farmland part of New York, on my way to NYC's Disney Store, when an old friend of mine was chasing me. Her black hair was in knots, her teeth were silver bullets sharpened to a point, and on her feet were these miniature bouncy houses that gave her speed. I stepped on the pedal as fast I could, trying to get away from this barbaric specimen, when she chucked an axe at my window. It shattered, but luckily I ducked in time. I then got out of my car and ran through a corn field until I came across a planet fitness.
I entered the locker room, and climbed down the stairs into the fallout shelter. I took a sledgehammer and knocked down the wall, thus revealing a secret passageway. This passageway lead me to an airport. I notified the officers there about the insane killer who once had been my friend.
Turns out, she is an insane mass murderer in America. But her biggest enemy now was me. Just for fun, she wanted to kill me. The airport decided they needed to protect me, Oprah, Queen of the Universe, at all costs. They disguised me as a preppy school girl and enrolled me in a private school. They braided my hair and made me where a mask over my face so I looked younger. They sent me off to England, and that's when my life was rewritten.
The school was called Rose Robin Rad School, and as far as anyone knew, my name was Sally Turner, not Oprah Winfrey. I was an exchange student from the United States, and the children there were so fascinated by my life there. What's a burger? Are hotdogs made of real dogs? Why do you set fire to the sky in July? All these questions I answered and more.
I soon found out though, that this school was no ordinary school. In my art class, we were using koalas as a reference, but one escaped and turned out to be as dangerous as a bear. Everyone admired my artwork, because, let's face it, I'm Oprah Winfrey. I got along well with my other teachers but there was one that bothered me. My Spanish teacher was spawn of evil itself, I swear.
From the moment she saw me, she hated me. She picked on me for my backpack, my grades, and the fact that I couldn't roll my r's. She practically bullied me and at every class; I was almost broke to tears. One day, I told her she wasn't being very nice, and she gave me a detention.
I cried because I'd never even gotten a lunch detention before. I wrote an angry note to the school, and they took pity on me. They fired the teacher and told the students they were sorry. As a reward, they brought us to Disney World. When we went to Disney, for some reason, the park was pretty empty.
My assumption was they were probably afraid of the mass murderer-I heard now she had an army of equally heinous cronies. We went on a bunch of rides with no wait, and all the food there was free because Disney was so happy that they finally had customers. I met all the princesses and characters and had a swell time. I even called up Phil, and we agreed that one day, when everyone else in my Spanish class was eating Dinner with Cinderella, we could go eat at Belle's Castle.
But before that, though, I was going to go on the Peter Pan ride but everyone in front of me had fleas.
So I headed over to the Magical Fantasy Land, right over to the fountain with Gaston, and went into the restroom. There, I pulled of my mask and took out my tight braids. I put on the Belle Dress I had stolen from backstage (I found a secret passageway to under the park. Since there were hardly any Disney Customers, the amount of Cast Members they had was quite low as well. I was able to nick a few of the authentic Princess Dresses, but to be nice, I left behind four thousand dollars, hoping that it could cover the cost.
I then went to Belle's Castle, and met Phil outside. There was a staircase that allowed you to enter, so we held hands and climbed up it. But suddenly, the staircase started to tremble. I gripped onto Phil's hand and the staircase fence so hard my knuckles grew white. The castle began to rumble and roar, and we began to rise up and up; the staircase was growing. Up and up we road; Phil was screaming and I was in tears.
"Help, help!" We pleaded. The rumbling ceased, but a skeleton grew out of the ground. He bowed and opened the door. We walked inside, slowly, the old floors creaking to life with every step. And suddenly, a bucket of hot water was dumped upon our heads. I screamed in agony, and felt as if I was melting. I wasn't melting though- I was growing!
I then looked down at my hands, expecting to see red hot sores, but instead found something that made me scream, except, the only thing that came out of my mouth was a, "NEEEEIGGGGHHH!" I had hooves! I looked over at Phil- he was a cinnamon colored horse with a deep mahogany mane clothed in a blue suit. I myself was a horse as well. I started to freak out, I tried to run away, but ended up falling on my feet. I got up again, frantically trying to change myself back into the beautiful woman I once was, but I kept slipping and sliding and falling.
Then, the halls erupted in a mechanical laughter. A sergeant slid down the stairs-his loose uniform and beautiful cloak billowing behind him. "Tut, tut, tut, what have we got here?" He asked with a smirk. "NEIGHHHH!" I said. He laughed. "Hello Oprah. Hello Dr. Phil. I am a servant of your old friend." My eyes grew wide. He was in league with the mass murderer! "Ahh, yes, you know of whom I speak of. Well, I shall tell you one thing, I am capable of being just as evil as her. You see, once upon a time, I was going to be married to a fine young lady. But on the day of the wedding, she fought with my brother and killed him. How could this woman ruin my life? I was so upset and deeply ruined-we'd already said our vows and I was to afraid to try and file a divorce-I knew she could hurt me. Eventually, I gained courage and sought revenge. I ruined her family, and now, I am here. I can ruin you too, but first, let's play a game. It's called dancing. Ballroom dance for me. NOW!" He commanded with a shuddering roar.
I almost passed out. How could a horse ballroom dance? I slid over to Phil and held out my hoove, but unbalanced, I fell forward. The sergeant roared with laughter. Eventually, though, us horses were able to slide to the best of the music, somehow, I was able to spin around in a full circle. Must be the ballerina in me. The sergeant pushed us on, forcing us to work harder and be better. It was so difficult though. After time, he was satisfied, and called for lights out. He tied us up in small twin beds and eventually, I drifted to sleep. TO BE CONTINUED.
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